Words Can Hurt

Words Do Matter in Negotiations

Negotiations are challenging. Between assessing the negotiation landscape, understanding how to reach an agreement, and learning how to build trust, it can be difficult to navigate a successful negotiation. On top of all these challenges, the language used during conflict-laden negotiations can trigger an emotional response and impact whether you reach agreement. If you understand how words and phrases can affect negotiations, you will be prepared to navigate future conflicts.

Words that typically elicit strong emotions include language that negatively labels someone and tells them what they should do. The emotional response can vary from person to person; however, the most common reaction is anger and frustration. While using any emotional trigger language can lead to anger and frustration, showing someone in a negative light is more likely to lead to anger and telling someone what to do is more likely to result in frustration.

Language that Labels the Other Person Negatively

Words

Unfair
Silly
Liar
Stupid

Phrases

You are lying
Don’t be stupid
I feel like you are…
You are not looking at my side.
I don’t like your style
You can do that but I don’t think you will
What have you actually done for the project?
You are looking for a scapegoat
You are unwilling…
Are you holding out on me?
You are being unfair
I don’t think I can trust you
It was your fault

Language that Tell the Other Person What to Do

Words

Can’t
Must
Sorry (as in no way)
Need to
Look!
Well
Have to
No
Never
Should Ought to
You

Phrases

No way
You need to…
I think…
You did…
I’m telling you
Your options are…
You have what I need, this is how it is going to be …
No, that’s impossible
I made a lot of concessions and you have just made a little
You should…
I think you need to …
I think I should get more
I know you can
You’re not looking at my position
Please try to understand…
It is better if you…
I really don’t think this is a good idea
I can’t help you

Emotions Impact the Outcome

The use of emotional trigger words during conflict can lead to a different perception of the negotiation outcome. Specifically, using language that negatively labels someone or tells them what to do impacts the perception that the conflict will be successfully resolved.

However, individuals observing negotiations where people use emotional trigger words are more likely to believe the conflict will be successfully resolved than those watching negotiations without trigger words. Strong language can be used to convey someone's preferences and potentially facilitate a resolution.

While using strong language can help lead to a successful resolution of conflict, it can also impact people's perception of you. Individuals who use language that triggers emotions are seen as less fair than those who did not use the same vocabulary. Additionally, people who avoid using emotional trigger words and phrases are viewed as more likely to display problem solving and creative behavior.

Equipped with the knowledge that some words can either hurt or help your negotiations, you can have confidence in your understanding of language's impact on your ability to reach an agreement.